Dear Teen Me

Dear Adolescent Self,

I know, everything sucks and you don't want to hear from some lame-ass old person. Lame-ass old people try to tell you things like this all the time, but they're just stupid old people that can't possibly understand. You don't respect me because I'm not in a band, I don't have black hair, and I don't look awesome. I don't write screamey songs that speak to your weasley black soul, nor am I Tim Burton or Freddie Mercury. I get it, past self. I get it. Frankly, I don't want to hear things from me either most of the time. As lame as I may be, just hear me out for a minute.

There's this thing you should really, really try, and it's called being happy. No, I'm not high. Yes, this is really quite terrible and hokey. Shut up and stop judging me for a minute, I'm trying to help you, you little twonk. Also, start thinking of absurd insults now, it will help you in the long run.

As I was SAYING, you spend far too much time and effort on being miserable. Part of it is the hormones, some of it may be the asshats from public school I'm sure, but at the end of the day it's all on you. You choose to let things get to you. You choose to listen. You choose to associate with people that make you sad, you choose to bottle things up to cry about later. These are your decisions. You'd rather just sit around and draw vent drawings and think about suicide than look up and realize that your life rocks.

Sure there were a few bitches in public school that called you a fat nerd, but you have piles of friends that think you're awesome. When you get to be old and lame, you are going to realize that people that are just as weird as you really aren't so easy to come by, and yet right now you can't swing a cat without hitting at least five of them. You probably don't use the swing a cat saying yet, it'll come though, trust me. Regardless, relish your weird friends, cherish them, because most of them are going to move off and have kids far sooner than you think.

And for the love of God stop comparing your art to everyone elses. You suck it's true, I have looked through your stuff, but you can get better. That weirdness that people keep judging you for? That is an asset. Technical skill can be taught, but you have that fucked up mind you need to take the technical skills and really run with them. You can also crank out a page of comic in a day. I don't know how the hell you do that, but that is something you really should be faaaaaar more proud of than you are, and you shouldn't let people make you think there's something wrong with you for being so fast. I did, and I regret it like crazy. I can't even do that anymore, let alone come up with enough ideas to enable this, and I am thoroughly convinced that you must be some sort of robot wizard. You're really not a robot though, I know you had suspicions for a while there.

But I have to get to the real point now, otherwise I'll go on forever. If there is one thing you need to seriously know, it's this: Turns out you're not gay after all, but you might be a bit of a transvestite or something (I'll get back to you on that one). Almost everyone you know turns out to be though, and I know you'll be far too stuck in your own little world to see that coming. Especially since most of the girls you know apparently have wicked lady boners for you. I've talked to them since, they told me.

OKAY no that wasn't what I wanted to say. What I really want to say is that despite everything, there is nothing wrong with you. You don't need to be diagnosed, there is quite literally not a single abnormality in your headmeats. You may think there is because you think about suicide practically daily, but there really isn't. You're just really fucking negative and too lazy to actually face your issues head on. You come by it honestly, I'll give you that, but cut it out. Stop brooding and go hang out with your friends. Go outside, do something about the weight. Stop being so afraid to do anything. If you fuck up in public and people judge you, it's really not the end of the world. You don't know those people, and probably wouldn't like them anyway. You wear Halloween makeup on a daily basis anyway, so what do you think they're doing NOW you crazy fuckhead? Seriously though, just stop hating yourself because you think that what you are is some sort of effrontery to all common decency. You're not as smart as you think you are, granted, but you're not all that bad. Everyone doesn't secretly hate you. You just have to quit being so goddamn EMO. There, I said it. You're EMO, and it's ANNOYING. People who would otherwise like you think you're ANNOYING because you're so NEGATIVE. It's not a mental sickness, you're just a teenager. And the more you like yourself, the more other people are going to like you too, and the more you're just going to like everything and just plain being alive.

I'm still trying to pick up the pieces after you, you know. You made quite a mess of us, you silly little sod. Though I learned a little bit later than I would have liked, I could have done worse. There could have been an even older version of us writing about how much of an emo idiot I am too (there still might be yet). Luckily, I have all of your fuck-ups to look back on and learn from. I am going to do everything you didn't. I'm going to go out and talk to strangers, and if I feel like dancing in public I'm going to go for it, because I really don't care what people think like you do. I'm going to take what little smattering of friends I have left, and I'm going to cherish the fuck out of them. So hard. And I'm going to continue to make new ones, if I can, and I'll do the same to them. Because yes, I still have shitty days and yes, periodically I do still have to go collapse in a corner and mope over how much I fail as a human being, but it doesn't control my fucking life. It passes. I get over it, I go try and do things to rectify it.

So while sometimes when I find myself hating you for all these stupid, harmful idiosyncrasies I picked up while I was you, I can't really stay mad at you. You're just a kid, and really blaming you is just another way of taking the lazy way out. We're gonna work at this, kiddie, and we're gonna be alright.